You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i think my cat just said my name.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
