Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
