I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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