We're facebook friends in real life
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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