Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
