my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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