he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
