is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
