You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
