then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
