yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
