I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
