i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Two words: blizzard sex
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize