think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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