Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
