I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's just like the Real World with babies
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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