Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
