I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
