so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
