Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
