Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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