Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
