I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
