im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
