I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize