the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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