My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
