porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
