I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
