i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We left the knife in your bed.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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