A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am in a vortex of obligation.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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