My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
two words...techno handjob
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
