But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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