he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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