I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
