I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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