hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
