How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Randomize
