next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize