you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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