just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
