Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
