I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's blow job season.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize