you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize