It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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