I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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