Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
