I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
