If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
