This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
