I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
