I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
