And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize