Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
