I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
