But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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