so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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