I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
