Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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