What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
