happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
