I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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