I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
