i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think people are normalizing furries
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
