everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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