dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
