I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I love having hate sex.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
