watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
